Flipping the Script on the Sexual Health Conversation With Renowned Sex Educator Emily Depasse
Written on April 23, 2024 by Emily Depasse, MSW, MEd, Sex Educator. To give you technically accurate, evidence-based information, content published on the Everlywell blog is reviewed by credentialed professionals with expertise in medical and bioscience fields.
As a sex educator, I hear a lot of the same themes from people around sexually transmitted infections (STIs): embarrassment, anxiety about telling partners, fear of what’s next in their dating and love life. I cannot stress this enough–STIs are not morally "bad" and are not uncommon, especially for those engaging in sexual encounters with multiple partners.
We need to flip the script on the sexual health conversation. Here is how I encourage people to build their sexual health confidence.
Go Back to Sex Education, But Make It Factual
Education plays a pivotal role in allowing people to view sexual health information through a factual lens. A study conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation in 2020 revealed that most Americans are unaware of just how prevalent STIs are in our society. [1]
When we examine the state of sex education in the United States, it comes as no surprise that STIs are on the rise.2 In fact, only 38 states and the District of Columbia mandate sex education, and out of those, a mere 18 states require the curriculum to be medically accurate. [2]
Unfortunately, lack of accurate education perpetuates harmful myths and stereotypes about STIs, which prevents people from seeking support and testing. Negative stereotypes also intensify feelings of shame and embarrassment that come with an STI diagnosis.
A common stereotype I see is people denying cold sores (aka oral herpes) as a form of herpes because they’re “not that type of person.” In reality, this type of dialogue is harmful and leads to people not disclosing their oral herpes status to partners.
Reframe Sexual Health As Self-Care
Self-care is a hot topic, but few people see sexual health as part of the conversation. When people frame self-care, it’s usually around luxurious “you” time, like enjoying a bubble bath or treating yourself to a facial. In reality, sexual care can fold into the perceived “boring” parts of self-care, as well as caring for one’s pleasure.
Getting regular STI testing is a sign to yourself that you care about your health, as well as any of your partners’ health, too. Many STIs present asymptomatically or the symptoms are so minimal that they go unnoticed. [3] Creating a sexual self-care routine that includes testing ensures that you’re informed about what is happening, even if symptoms aren’t present. With the availability of at-home lab tests, this is now more accessible than before.
Viewing sexual health as self-care also includes talking about your STI results with your partners. These conversations may seem “awkward” or “unsexy” because people haven’t been educated on how to have them. In reality, this is a sign of mutual respect to you and your partners, and actually leads to deeper connection and discussions about more “fun” sex topics.
Develop a Better Relationship With Sexuality
Stigma surrounding STIs is driven by the overall discomfort with sex and sexuality in our society. Our beliefs and attitudes towards sex are deeply rooted in our identities and upbringings. Whether it's our parents, caregivers, educators, or public figures, the influences of trusted individuals shape our belief systems. These complex identities can occasionally clash and create confusion when it comes to our viewpoints on sexual health.
For instance, consider the contrast in accepting cold sores, known as oral herpes, as a common occurrence, while being quick to judge someone with genital herpes. The truth is, the differences between the two are minimal, with the symptoms being largely similar–the viruses responsible for oral and genital herpes can both infect either location, so they’re not necessarily even different infections. The biggest distinction lies in the location on the body where they manifest.
In order to break down stigma and flip the script on conversations about STIs, people need to treat sexual health as they do other health-related diagnoses. Educate yourself with factual information, prioritize self-care through regular STI testing, and learn strategies to have unsexy (but important) conversations with partners.
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Recap: Sex Ed for Grown-Ups with Jonathan Van Ness
Let’s Talk About Safe Sex: How to Talk About STIs/STDs With a New Partner
References
- Kaiser Family Foundation. Public Knowledge and Attitudes About Sexually Transmitted Infections: KFF Polling and Policy Insights. Accessed April 2024. Available at: https://www.kff.org/womens-health-policy/issue-brief/public-knowledge-and-attitudes-about-sexually-transmitted-infections/
- Guttmacher Institute. Sex and HIV Education. Accessed April 2024. Available at: https://www.guttmacher.org/state-policy/explore/sex-and-hiv-education
- Mayo Clinic. Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Accessed April 2024. Available at: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sexually-transmitted-diseases-stds/symptoms-causes/syc-20351240
Emily Depasse, MSW, MEd, Sex Educator is the vivacious sex and relationship educator captivating audiences with her vibrant digital content, where sexual health shines as the ultimate act of self-care. She earned her MSW and MEd in Human Sexuality from Widener University's dual degree sex therapy program at the Center for Human Sexuality Studies. She also holds a BA in Gender and Sexuality Studies with minors in English and psychology from Salisbury University. Her expertise has garnered recognition from numerous publications, including Cosmopolitan, Today, The Seattle Times, and more.